Yeah, I´ve been having a really lousy week. Things are NOT going the way I would like. I have too much to do, too many people to see... So much that I´ve missed a lot.. It seems I´m going in cycles.. for a period of time, I know whats going on with my friends and now the basics.. but then again.. I have so muvh work that I drop out completely.. and that makes me a bit sad.. It brings back memories of being a small kid. I was alone a lot back then... Memories I would like to forget^^ But I have no one else to blame than myself. I´ve been walking alot these days.. I´m fed up with walking alone, I´m fed up with being tired and whining all the time!(Ironically, I´m whining right now)I miss the old days of being happy all the time^^ Sure I´m happy now, I´m cheerful, but i feel like something is missing. And in my quest to find what it is, I´ve lost myself in work and worry. I miss having fun with friends almost everyday... being remembered.. being part of your awesome day.. oh well, I´m just whining away again, so don´t mind me. Just had to write it down, so that I can laugh in my own face when I find that missing part. Its weird, I really do feel like I´m missing a lot of stuff.. for example, one of my friends is in TWO bands, and I never knew.. I heard about it from another friend >.< But I know that my friends all care for me and probably don´t even notice, and if they would,I´m sure they would do something about it!:3 But I´m still optimistic about whats to come.. still can´t draw,sing,or dance, but atleast I´ll be able to have that good old grin on my face! I WILL be back. I just need.. time^^ and a frigin holiday <.< oh, and no more long walks alone.. well.. ok.. a few, but not too many! especially in the evenings!!

Thank you for listening to this pathetic hobit´s whining, and don´t worry, I´mm fine, just a bit lonely ;3 see ya next time

~thejakman
(note, I´m doing this today, but it WAS ment for yesterday, so I´m trying to mimic my state of mind.. I´m feeling a lot better today ;3)

For starters:

Post a comment and I'll...
a) Tell you why I befriended you.
b) Associate you with something - a song, a color, a photo, a mental image, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
f) In return, post this in your journal.

RULES
-You must fill out EVERY question! No skipping!
-Tag five people after wards.
-Leave a message on their page telling them they're tagged.

ARE YOU?
1. Perfect?: I am in no way perfect, I´m far from it, but I know people, who could be called perfect, in human standards
2. Tall?: I wish..
3. In your pajamas?: In a way~
4. Left handed?: Right

LAST:
1. Friend you saw: Juuti
2. Talked to on the phone: ..no?
3. Person to text you: Reetta
4. Was today better than yesterday?: I liked yesterday, but today is allright, I guess

FAVORITES:
1. Number: 7,2
2. Color(s): Clear white, blood red, leaf green and ocean blue
3. Fruit: uhh.. mandarin I guess
4. Place: The warm hills of yorkshire, or near her.

EIGHT EMOTIONS:
1. Are you missing someone right now?: yesh
2. Are you happy?: I am happy? sure, why not :3
3. Are you sad?: a bit blue maybe
4. Are you bored?: nevarrarrar!!11 Thats why I´m on teh internet
6. Are you nervous?: sometimes?
8. Are you tired?: uh-huh

CURRENTLY:
1. Eating?: pizza leftowers.. i hate mushrooms.. why does it have mushrooms..
2. Drinking?: Cola.. in a minute anyway
3. I'm about to: start on my ULTIMATE PROJECT OF AWESOME
4. Listening to?: A lot of stuff, thanks Manny ^^
5. Plans for today?: ...wonder,talk,sleep,eat,AWESOME ULTIMATE PROJECT,and umm.. cola?

HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Drank bubbles?: ..what?.. no.. seriously..WHAT!?!?
2. Lost glasses/contacts?: nevar
3. Ran away from home?: No, that isn´t very groovy you know
4. Broken someone's heart?: I'm hope I'm not but I'm afraid that I've have and I will
5. Been arrested?: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
1. Miracles?: Every day
2. Yourself?: Would YOU trust a hobit? didin´t think so :3
3. Heaven?: aweosme
4. Santa Claus?: Its pronounced "Santa Christ" thank you
4. Love?: What is love, baby don´t hurt me..
5. Do you like someone?: yush
6. Do you believe in God?: In my own way
7. Answered the truth on all questions?: In a sence.. then again, no, I do not

Q: What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up?:
... The first thing I remember was being hit with a shovel <.<

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?:
I have the worries of an old man, but I don´t let it bother me.. often..

Q: What's the last movie you saw?:
umm..nope, clueless~

Q: Where is the last place you went?
Tampere Hall.. to listen to the worst consert or whatever evah!

Q. Do you smile a lot?:
Yes..But not everyone seems to notice :3

Q: Do you wish upon stars?:
Nope.. I gave up on that a long time ago.. so sad^^

Q: Are you a friendly person?:
Me? friendly?.. umm.. yeah <.<

Q: Where did you sleep last night?:
Umm.. sleep? Not sure^^

Q: When was the last time you cried?:
A while back.. and I promised myself I would never cry again.. I thought I had no more tears to shed :3

Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?:
Why?

Q: Rate life as of right now one being bad ten being great?:
eleventy two

Q: What do you hear right now?:
the sound of my clock.. the sound of my keyboard, my breathing, and the eerie sound of water dripping..

Q: Does anything hurt right now?:
My head, and my "soul" in a sence, I´m okay, but never really free :3

Q: What's your favorite month?:
hmm.. Don´t know... maybe July?

Q: What did you do last night?:
I thought... I sang and I kicked ass.. yeah^^I wish :3 I slept and ponderd :3

1. YOUR REAL NAME: John O.o.. nope, It´s Martin

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: Snipe

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)
Green Dog? or Blood Red Wolf :3

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street)
Johannes Taatalankuja

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name:
Heamaoja

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
Blue cola/ Clear white tea!

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (fathers middle name and mothers middle name)
John .. durr.. can´t remember :3

8. YOUR GOTH NAME (Black and the name of one of your pets)
Black Ricky?

I spent most of my scoolday listening to people today, I listend from afar and I listend close up.. then I had a thought... and really wanted to write it somewere, so I can get as many haters as possible :3 Just kidding, even though I bet someones not going to agree with me.. which is fine, but I will not accepting any argument without good reason :3.. I really thougt about this.. so it would be a bummer, if someone just comes along and says something like " If it only was that easy".. . thats just rude <.< anyway heres what I thought:

You think your life sucks? Then it probably doesn´t. Live in a lie, and suffer if you must, but I for one have had enough. Chin up, smile and go, you live a good life, don´t waste it. Never try to cling to old hate, or it will consume you. You want to be the best? Better than me and everyone else? Then try being their servant. If you want to talk, talk. If you want to cry, cry. Don´t be something your not, live your life to the fullest. Why do you think we are alive? So we can just sit around crying about things we can change, but are too god damn lazy to do?!? Trust me, I had to learn i the hard way... and I hope no one has to go trough it the same way as i have. Don´t talk to me about your life being horrible, not before you have stared death in the face and laughed, not before you have lost everything and have nothing left, then you are truly miserable. I have lost a lot of loved ones, seen a lot of hate, but i still live a good life, I have no right to talk about horrible lives, what do I know?...Well I know that too many people with good lives think their life sucks, and it saddens me.. I know this sounds odd, and stupid, but please, for the sake of you, your friends and your family, don´t live a lie, you live a good life, please don´t waste it wondering where you went wrong. Live it, don´t waste it. You dont have to listen to me, but I hope you learned something, at least saw another side in things

- A thought by Thejakman~

Yeah, having one hell of a tuesday :3... Had nightmares, couldn´t sleap and today I get to see how well I did on my tests ._. And after school I have unfinished business to take care of.. not going to enjoy that, I´ll tell you now ^^ And then homework and chores... I´m never going to get a break am I? Well.. at least I have some backup this time... and maybe I´ll buy some more coke.. I think I´d deserve a bit more.. oh well, what can you do :3? I just hope I´ll survive with my sanity ^^ But with this kind of backup I have nothing to worry about right?...right?